I can't take it anymore

Finally Melbourne has decided to face autumn, the temperature is settling into high teens and the delayed autumn rain has just begun. I visited a close friend of mine and as soon as I walked into her home, I sensed a heavy discontentment in the air. No doubt I had walked into the aftermath of another one of their arguments. I felt hopeless to help; all I could offer was simply a listening ear to my friend.

As I drove home I could not help but kept thinking of my friend. Why are people not happy? Despite the nice home, the luxury car, the private school education and frequent overseas trips for holidays, why is there yet unhappiness in my friend?

"The sense of who you are, determines your perception of your needs. This sense also determines what matters to you" the Universe interjects my thoughts.  

"Nice timing mate - I have just got home. Please keep your thoughts" rushing to get my laptop.

"Take your time" Universe knows I rush around too much.

"My friend is not coping too well with life. Every little thing seems to trigger anger and it is usually directed at the spouse"

"As I said, the sense of who you are determines what matters to you and whatever matters to you have the power to upset and disturb you. Being aware of what matters to you is a strong indicator of how you see yourself and how much you know yourself" the Universe starts.

"So you are saying that we ought to watch what we say or what we believe in? If we believe we are great we will be great"

"What I am saying is your action and reaction to matters is a more accurate signpost of who you see yourself to be"

"Ask yourself what are the things that upset or disturb you? If small matters upset you then, who you think you are, is just that: small. That is what you unconsciously see yourself"

"How can you say that? I know many people are very conscious about wanting to he happy, they see their therapist, they read appropriate books and has a general awareness of what they need to be happy and be great" I protest.

"There is no doubt that there is an increasing awareness by people wanting to be happy or at least not to be unhappy. But being aware about happiness and truly knowing about happiness are two separate experiences. You will find that you can read all the books about playing golf - and yet that will not make you a good golfer."

"You might say to yourself - I am tired of my life and want to change and be happy. You then consciously seek change and seriously start to do something about it. You might even see a therapist or read volumes of new age books to help you feel better about yourself. Your friends suddenly see the new you, your colleagues notice the change and you even attract the occasional flirt from strangers you meet at a restaurant. The new wonderful you has emerged and you generally feel good about yourself."

"Then you find out your spouse is not coming back, yet again, for dinner or he tells you he needs more space and he doesn't give you attention and never says he loves you. Suddenly there is the surge of anger and anxiety, before long you are consumed by this feeling of anger, hopelessness, frustration and even hatred. Not getting what you need from your spouse made you feel forever trapped and say  'I cannot take this anymore' you start to scream. You then attack, blame, complain, scream and justify your reactions all done on auto-pilot."

"Hang on here - what is wrong in wanting love and attention from your spouse? Everyone has a right to be loved especially by the spouse? There are certain expectations within a marriage and both people in the union surely must fulfill these expectations? Otherwise what is the point in being around someone who continues to belittle you?"

"Well what happened to the new wonderful you we talked about a moment ago? What has changed? Could this wonderful new you change because of the opinion of your spouse? "

"What do you mean? If someone treats me with no love or has no care for me would you not expect me to do something about it?" typing on my laptop furiously.

"Its a matter of choice. If you choose to be that wonderful new person then BE that wonderful new person regardless of the opinion of others. See yourself as that person and not react to small matters like the opinion of others to give justification to be the new you. You need no justification by others. In challenging situations you remain non-reactive and alert that these situations do not change who you are. Then out of this alertness you respond to the situation. This response will come from the inner you, the real you, the wonderful you - not the small you. Your response will be appropriate and effective and it would make no person or situation the enemy. You simply accept the situation and deal with the situation."

"So what would you say to my friend?" I want to get some practical outcome out of this conversation.

"Know who you want to be and when you do, remain as that person regardless of the opinion of others. Do not beat yourself up because of the opinion of another - simply stay in the know that you are a wonderful person and you live your life as this wonderful person. On the contrary, see yourself as small and you will react to small matters - see yourself as wonderful and these small matters suddenly will become insignificant. The rest will take care of itself."

"So in short you are saying is, if you sense yourself as a great, beautiful and wonderful person small matters will not bother you? But staying in this frame of thought must be difficult? How can I help my friend stay in this state of thought?"

"Just like playing golf - practice, practice and practice. Treat anger, blame, complain and every challenging situation as an opportunity to practice non-reaction. It does not mean you do not do anything about situations that you do not like. It just simply means that you now can deal with the situation from the perspective of your higher more wonderful self. Try not not to let small things bother you as you are beyond and above all these small matters. Soon your friend will find out that her life will turn for the better, as a wonderful person cannot help but affect every thing or person she comes in contact with turning them into a just a wonderful person as she is"

Silence........... Thank you dear Universe.

Moment of death

What does it feel like at the moment of impending death?


I want to change the conversation to involve a little sharing on my part. I want to share this with you - dear Universe. It is a true account of an incident related to me by a friend. 

My first trip to the Gold Coast beach, Queensland's sunshine coast, almost ended up in disaster. With an advertisement tag line "Beautiful one day perfect the next", the Gold Coast became a mecca for young sun-seekers and surfers. I decided to take on surfing foolishly thinking it was no more than simply hiring a surfboard, paddle out to sea far enough to catch a big wave back to shore. How hard would that be and I have seen it all on TV? I was soon to find out.

Just like the surfers on TV, I paddled out to sea, riding the waves easily. When I thought I had gotten far enough and the breaking waves were sufficiently large enough to catch back to shore, I positioned myself for a fun ride back to shore. With great effort I tried to turn around to face the shore and struggled with the board and the waves. I found it hard to stay on the shore-side of the waves before they broke. With the buoyancy of the surfboard I floated easily over the waves only to be dragged further out by the rip current. Realising imminent danger, I struggled to keep control trying to stay on the shore side of the waves but failed every time. With every wave, I was dragged even further out to sea.

After numerous attempts I started to feel tired and thought it was time I got off the surfboard and waded ashore. It was then I realised that I was out too far; my feet did not touch ground. I was in deeper waters than I thought. A sense of panic gripped me as I looked towards the shore. It looked too far for me to swim, as I was not a strong swimmer. I thought a better option was to hang on to the board and try to 'surf' back to shore. The waves pounded on me continuously; I kept slipping off the surfboard struggling to stay afloat, knowing if I let go, I would not have enough energy to swim ashore. By this time I knew I was in trouble, too exhausted to swim and unable to 'surf' back to shore. Panic turned into trembling fear making it even harder to hang on to the board. The waves continued pounding and I knew I was fighting a losing battle. I was in near exhaustion fighting to stay afloat whist dealing with the gripping fear of drowning.  Just as my energy level was just about depleted, one particularly large wave crashed over me, dragging me under. With the board torn off my clutching hands and my body gripped with trembling fear, I was dragged down into the depths of the ocean. It felt like I was in a large washing machine going through its final washing cycle.

 As I tumbled underwater, I realised it was all over. It was the end of the struggle to hang on to my life and to survive.  Overwhelmed by intense fear and panic I remember saying to myself "You are gone now! You will drown."

Suddenly there was complete silence.

The moment moved in slow motion.

And with outstretched arms, my final thoughts were "Take me!"

The feeling then was one I would never forget. At that moment there was no more fear, just complete peace in readiness to be taken. It was as if once I had given up the struggle and surrender to the moment the end was peace and quietness.

Death and peace seemed to co-exist. Fear did not exist in the moment of death.

Then my feet touched the ground. I found my balance, got to my feet and stood up to ear-high water level. The large wave must have pushed me towards shore. Almost immediately fear and panic exploded in me. I had a fighting chance to survive, I was given a second chance in life. Struggling to maintain balance on tiptoes, I headed for shore trembling and perspiring. When I reached the warm sand of the shore, I slumped on the beach, breathing life sustaining air - lying in the sun, thanking the universe for not taking me.

"Breathtakingly true"....... Universe finally said something.

What is Success?

We are already a few days into Autumn, but Melbourne is refusing to let Summer go showing a perfect day with 27 degrees, bright sunshine and light breeze. I have just finally set my chilli plant free from pot to the ground - a successful transplant. I am looking forward to more wonderful red chillis in months to come.

Admiring my new chilli plant amongst the Loofahs and chives, I thought. "I had a successful day in the garden"

"What is being successful in life means?" Universe interrupted my mind.

"Wow, a little heavy at this time of the day?" sipping my cool ice drink reaching for my keyboard to record this conversation.

"May be a Ferrari and a villa in the South of France, exotic dinners and parties, power, recognition, status, happy family, children, etc, etc " I could go on and on and on..... testing the Universe.

"Is that so?" Universe interjected.

If you ask the same question to 100 people I bet most would say similar things but with varying emphasis.

"Is that so?"

Frankly I am getting tired of this answer. I thought it serves no purpose and it is rather annoying to get the same answer all the time.

"Can we stop the "is that so?" bit and move on?" Getting frustrated.

"The world will tell you that success is about achieving what you set out to do. They will tell you that success is about winning, being financially secure, recognition and so forth. But let me tell you they are only by products of success. They are not success"

"I am listening" getting interested.

"You cannot become successful, you can only BE successful. The world doesn't tell you this, because it doesn't know"

"I really do not get you" keeping my fingers poised ready for the answer I am going to post.

 "What is "BE successful?"

" Simply instil a sense of quality in everything you do, even for the most simplest things. You do this by realising that the outcome of your future rests entirely with what you are doing now. Realise that there are no other moments except this moment. So give this moment its fullest attention. In other words be successful in everything you do NOW."

"Wait a minute, well does this not mean that we do not plan? What about what we want to achieve in the future? Our careers, our family etc?"

"I never said not to plan and I never said you do not consider the future. What I am saying is if planning is what you can do for the moment - give it the fullest attention. Even with a plan/journey, the primary step is the step you are doing now, because this moment is all you ever have. What you encounter at the destination can only be determined by quality of this particular step at this particular moment."

"So what has this got to do with successful?"

 "Simply this, when your doing is infused with the quality of Being, then you cannot help but BE successful. This will apply to whatever you choose to do."

"Well if this is case then would we ever achieve something big if all we ever do is focus on minute little moments every second?"

"The great can only arise out of honouring and caring for small things. Do you not know that Apple Corporation came out of passion and attention to small details in the garage of Mr & Mrs Jobs? Did Steve Jobs ever think of having a company that has the largest capitalisation in the world when he was in this garage? He only gave his full attention to doing what he was doing at that moment and at every moment. When Steve and Wozniak first assembled those 12 circuit boards they focused on making the best boards."

"Heard of the saying - The journey of a 1000 steps starts with this step - each step being just as important as the next."

"You will only ever have the present moment - regardless of our grand plans and past experiences, we only have this moment to create and the result of this creation is totally dependent on the quality of what we do NOW. When you make what you do or where you are as the main purpose of your life, until the next change, then this awareness becomes very powerful. It means acceptance, it means doing the best and it means none attachment. Change is a given, accept it, work with it and know that in whatever situation you find yourself in, it too will pass"

"Practice this and this will be your success"

Silence.........

Letting Go

A relative whom I have not spoken to for more than 10 years rang me out of the blue telling me about her pain and suffering she endured from her husband's infidelity. Towards the end of our conversation, she confessed that after so many years she was still in pain and cannot forgive and move on.

I could not give her a simple explanation about moving on and what it really means to move on. I felt sad that I was not able to help her during our conversation.

"There is no need to feel sorry" the Universe came to my rescue.

"How can I simply explain to her about moving on? Sometimes you guys use explanation that is too vague requiring a Phd in philosophy just to understand it. Do you not use simple language with simple human terminology?"

"I can see your frustration"

"Yes I am pissed off" I protested.

"You must care for your relative?"

"Yes I do" feeling a lot calmer. Please forgive me I just swore at the Universe.

"You are forgiven. Let me tell you a story"

"That is a good start. I learn better relating to stories"

"Two monks went for a walk and they came across a young woman pregnant with child by a shallow fast flowing stream. The older monk went by the woman, picked her up and carried her across to the other side putting her down. The monks walked on in silence. 5 hours later as they were returning to their monastery, the other much younger monk couldn't restrain himself anymore. "Why did you touch the woman and even carried her on your shoulders across the stream? Monks are not allowed to do such things."

"I put the woman down hours ago - are you still carrying her?" was the older monk's reply.

"I see your meaning. My relative is still carrying the past in her - reliving it during every waking moment and in every conversation. She spent the whole conversation talking about how bad her ex-husband was and what he did that destroyed her. That happened 10 years ago. She is still an angry and resentful person."

"Living in the prison of your past memories is truly hell on earth, unable to let go of situations that happened in the past which has absolutely no relevance to the present."

"The past are but just thoughts/memories in your minds and they are never a part of your current situation. In fact thoughts in itself are not problems as you can learn from them. The real problem starts when you make these thoughts/memories as part of their current sense of self. In this instance you cannot separate thoughts in your mind and the true person you are now. In short your relative who was heart broken by her husband, has made her past part of who she is today even though her husband has remarried another woman. She has become a prisoner of her past memories. She will carry this burden of imprisonment as long as she allows these past thoughts to be part of the make up of who she is today."

"She still feels the pain she has enough of it and wants to Move On... but how?"

"By letting go of the woman by the stream"

"There you go again - being vague and philosophical, I need to know HOW DOES ONE MOVE ON?" finding myself banging on my keyboard in frustration.

"By not giving power to these past thoughts."

"By understanding that if you give power to these thoughts you are then living in a mind prison"

"By knowing that these past thoughts are just mind stories"

"By knowing that these past thoughts cannot stop you from choosing who you want to be today"

"By turning off this pre-recorded story in her mind"

"By recognising that these thoughts/memories have not relevance in her life situation anymore"

"By choosing to let go and move on"

My fingers are slipping off the keyboard, I am typing so fast. Phew I have just finished......

"Thank you again Universe"

"See you next time" 

I am not Me

At my bank a few years ago I noticed an elderly man, probably in his 80s, leaning over the teller's counter looking frustrated. He could not produce any acceptable form of ID to the teller and he was getting increasingly agitated trying to convince the teller who he was.

"Don't you know? I am me, I am me" quivering and waving his hands in the air much to the amusement of the other customers.

That was five years ago and I never gave the incident much thought until I hear this 2-year old girl at the park asking her mum for a drink.

"Amy wants a drink" pointing to her heart. It is as if there is another person inside her wanting a drink.

That got me thinking. If there is another person inside her that is "Amy" then who is this little girl who is doing the asking? That invokes the memory of the elderly man's statement at the bank. His "I am ME" must mean there is a "ME" inside his "I". Is there a message here?

"Amy..... full" the little girl thanks her mother, wiping her mouth and happily toddles off to the swings.

There must be two of us in every one of us. Arghhhhh!!

"What do you think?"  the Universe interrupts my thoughts.

"I don't know"

"You know messages come from unexpected people"

I subscribe to the belief that messages will come at appropriate times and they will come often enough for me to learn. The message from the elderly man and now this little girl must be for me to learn about "I" and "Me".

"So is there a truth about I and a ME and if so who is I and who is ME?" Feeling insane for even asking this question.

"You are not insane and yes there is a truth about I and ME. However, the only way to know this truth is to experience it. Explanations using words does not do it justice. Words merely point to the truth it doesn't give you the true knowledge. At best, words and labels provide a concept of the truth. Some people can convince you that durians are horrible and yet they have never tasted it themselves.

"I am not quite sure what you mean"

"Unfortunately most humans tend to associate their true self with the words and mental labels they develop for themselves as they grow up. Most humans loose this connection with their true self right from very young and replace their true self with words and mental labels learned from parents, friends, experiences or their own reading, and take as truth about themselves. In no time this concept of who they are, defined by those words are mistakenly taken to be the truth. Their true self is then forgotten."

"You are loosing me"

"Bear with me"

"The word "I" is perhaps the worst definition for the person who says it and unfortunately one of the most used words to describe who we are. The word "I" is an illusion and it is only a derived concept of who we truly are. It is a signpost pointing to the truth. Albert Einstein referred to this as "the optical illusion of consciousness" This signpost or illusion sets the basis of our definition of who we are - and with this illusion or the concept of ourselves, we relate to the world.

"Wooooo, what you are saying is that we are only showing a concept of who we are and assuming that this concept is the actual us?"

Scratching my head, unsure of what I am typing.

"The little girl Amy, has just learned from her parents to produce a sound from her vocal chords. The sound is "Amy" and she begins to have this thought in her mind that this sound - Amy - is who she is. Her parents have given her a concept of who this true person is. If you like, a representative of this true person or consciousness. The sound Amy then becomes a signpost pointing to this little girl's pure consciousness"

"As this girl grows she attaches more thoughts associated with this signpost. "Me" and "Mine" are possessive thoughts of objects that belong to this representative of her consciousness. This original thought is then further shaped by her experiences - both pleasant and unpleasant - acquired knowledge, opinions, likes and dislikes aggregated to then define the sense of self for this girl. It is this girl's "me and my story".

I need to clear my mind.... got to stop and have my cracker barrel cheese and biscuits.

"Enjoy!"

"I am back" with a freshly brewed flat white coffee ready to chip in when I need caffeine.

"So what happens to this original consciousness whilst Amy's representative is being defined and developed?"

"Nothing. Amy's consciousness maintains its innocence and beauty just as the day she was born. Just as the beauty of a flower that has inspired countless artist and poets. You just feel the presence of the flower's consciousness when you are amongst them and when you see them. Seeing a beautiful flower reminds us of the beauty that underlines each and every human. This beauty of a flower is the same beauty in a human. The innocence of other living beings, like a puppy, kitten or human baby is a window into the beauty of the underlining consciousness of all living things"

"So what you are saying is: as Amy grows, she continues to shape her concept of herself and becomes some form of an aggregated data of who she thinks she is. She could be a scientist, teacher, astronaut, mother, accountant - whatever she creates herself underneath this signpost, her consciousness remains the same. That is the consciousness of her innocence and beauty. And when she says "I am......" unhappy, sad, discarded by my lover/husband, etc it only defines her concept of herself not the true consciousness that lies underneath the "I". In short there is a true Me underneath Amy's I"

I am typing furiously now, I think I got it and I feel really weird to now know that there is a real "Me" underneath the "I" that I have created for myself in my years living on this earth.

Perhaps the little girl in the park and the elderly man I saw years ago are there to give me insight and the confidence to put this out there in my blog and running the risk of being branded insane or simply confused.

"Stop beating yourself up again and you are not insane"

"Thank you" I see Amy turning around and smiling knowingly at me - waving good-bye as her mum walks her home.  Thank you Amy for teaching me.

Happiness or Inner Peace You Choose

The worst of summer is probably over. The days are settling into an average of 30 degrees instead of the mid 40s. We have just celebrated the Chinese New Year, my family welcomed the year of the Snake with the all-important new year eve dinner. I get a plethora of well wishes on FB including wealthy, healthy, happy, etc but one stood out very clearly - he wished me inner peace. I did not think too much about the message until now - when I am at peace and yet again in my small side patio sipping my morning coffee.

"Wondered what is the difference between happiness and inner peace is?" Universe started this time before I had a chance to ask any questions.

"Oh now you are being pro active this morning?"

"You have asked this before but you have forgotten that you did"

I must have and who am I to argue with the Universe. OK so I did, then tell me more.

"Yes there is a clear difference. Happiness is dependent on some conditions being perceived as positive but inner peace does not"

"Well then to be happy will be simple. All I have to do is change my attitude and think positive on all matters all the time. So where does inner peace comes in?"

"Do you truly know what positive is and what negative is? Sometimes you may think that your experience is positive only to turn into a negative experience? Known of people who had a wonderful love-filled romantic wedding then turning into a disastrous and bitter divorce later?" Or people who have changed their lives drastically for the better after a heart attack or near-death experience? In essence there is neither positive nor negative in the larger perspective. Situations are just as they are"

"Huh? I cannot pretend that things are good when an obvious bad thing has happened? Death, accidents, illness or pain are not good and I cannot simply deny that it is not bad. That would be self deceiving wouldn't it?"

"You are not pretending, you are simply allowing the situation to be as it is. Obviously when your loved one has a major accident of has just died, you cannot be happy about it. But you can be at peace with it - you can be crying and feel the loss, but you can still be at ease with the death or accident. Once you accept the situation and allow the situation to be - you will find underneath this sadness or unhappiness the presence of quiet strength. It is sacred. This is...... inner peace. A place where there is no good nor bad."

"This is all too difficult to understand. Can you give me a simpler example?"

"Imagine you are sitting on your balcony enjoying the fresh evening breeze. Then the foul smelling cooking from your neighbour wafts in once again. They are foreigners in our country and cooking their strange smelling food.  Almost immediately they spoil the fresh evening breeze of yours. To top it off your neighbour adulterate the quiet neighbourhood you live in with their loud voices and communal dining. Annoyance and then anger arises in you. "How could they be so insensitive", you start justifying your anger. "I am going to Twit about this and also going to write about them on FB, I might even write an article in my daily newspaper column teaching them how to behave in our country" - you continue to fuel your anger and before long it spills into an all out revenge."

"OK what is your point?" I am getting impatient, as Universe is taking too long.

"Observe yourself - that is precisely my point"

"Is there a need to be annoyed with your neighbours? What does this annoyance do for you? And is there a need to take revenge?"

"What else can I do? I have a right too don't I?"

"Allow things to be as it is. Try this - instead of letting this smell or noise build in you - just imagine yourself to be transparent. Imagine the smell and noise just simply going through you. Imagine that you are NO THING - just an empty space and the smell and noise simply passes through you. You have no resistance. This no-resistance is your inner peace unaffected by neither smell nor noise."

"Well if my neighbour continues to be loud and affect not just me but others in my community do we not do something about it? Do we just simply accept and let things get out of hand? Can we not at least compromise?"

"If you ever need to do something then it is fine. But do it from this inner peace. Whatever you do from this inner peace will be done in the right way and at the right moment. It will come from a quiet need to effect a change or strike a compromise. There will be no blaming no accusation just a smooth conduit to find a solution. More importantly, whatever you do will not be from anger or revenge, it will be done from a calm disposition. In this way annoyance, anger and revenge has not place. Don't you think so?"

Silence..........

"....by the way, the neighbour's story I just told you? - its a true story that happened in one country in South East Asian. Sad isn't it?"

Silence again.

Ebookstore Gateway

Announcement:

by Jian Qiu Huang

The Yellow Banana is now distributed to most major ebookstores internationally. A gateway is created to link to all these ebookstores.

Click the ebookstore gateway below to check it out

Ebookstore Gateway

The iPad monk

We just experienced a heat wave last week with temperatures reaching mid 40s. My new lawn and plants screamed for water by the end of each day.

Fortunately the weather has improved and I have just woken up sitting up in my bed enjoying the respite provided by the awesome power of nature. It is as if the Universe has decided to let us know - not to take things for granted and enjoy the value of each day presented to us.

I hear the familiar "Triiing" sound coming from my phone, telling me I have an SMS.

"Surrender to divine authority means liberation from physical illusions, not from the delights and the comfort of physical life" - an SMS from my daughter.

"Dad do you remember our discussion about the monk we saw who had an iPad?" she followed with another SMS. What a heavy subject so early in the morning.

Of course I remember the discussion we had, it revolved around the topic - should spiritual enlightenment be synonymous to poverty or living in abstinence?

Our discussion centred on a monk we saw in a shopping centre who had an iPad in his hand. He also had a number of shopping bags drabbed over his shoulders. I remember thinking the monk stood out like a sore thumb, as if a monk with an iPad shopping in an up-market shopping centre does not belong to each other.

The SMS from my daughter makes so much sense as it hits the nail right on the head - surrendering to divine authority does not necessarily mean spiritually connected people should live a life of poverty and in servitude.

"Indeed a good discussion" Universe started.

"Oh you have an opinion about this?" pulling out my iPad.

" I have a question?"

"Shoot" frantically typing away on my iPad. (I am not a monk)

"Why do you assume that a Buddhist monk, or indeed any religious person, OUGHT TO live in abstinence, stripped to the most basic level of subsistence living, devoid of normal human physical needs, comforts and convenience of everyday modern life?"

I had to think about this question and after about 5 minutes the best I could scrap up is...

"That is normal. Everyone knows that and I also see most religious people doing just that. They sacrifice their lives for spiritual growth"

"What is normal may not necessarily be natural"

"Smoking has been considered normal behaviour for as long as you can remember and in some societies a mandatory mark of adulthood. People caught in fires generally die of asphyxiation through smoke inhalation and not from burns and yet we fill our lungs out with the same smoke that kills. Would you call this normal behaviour natural?"

"OK, I see your point - are you then saying that religious figures can then be multi millionaires, drive BMWs and live in grandiose mansion?" A good question I thought.

"Heard of the saying: Man does not live on bread alone?"

"In 1 Corinthian 6:12 it is also said "Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything"

"Siddharta Gautama did not achieve enlightenment until he lived a balanced life and stopped submitting himself to a life of rigorous ascetic practices"

"Countless pain and suffering are being brought about by people trying to find salvation through deprivation of the body. The only way to find salvation is through the body not away from it."

"And your point being, the only naturally way to head towards a spiritual life, is striking a balanced lifestyle, one that is right for us individually?"

"What I am saying is, deprivation of the natural needs of the body does not guarantee anyone a path to attaining spiritual growth. We all have our individual paths as we fulfil the agendas of our souls. We all have a reason for being on this earth in our physical forms and the only way we experience our agendas is through the temple of the spirit called body. So look after it, care for it, fine-tune it as it is only in this physical body form you receive salvation"

"So it is our perception that categorises what being spiritual is all about? Up till now I have automatically assumed that when someone dresses in some form of uniform, deprive themselves and live a community of relatively simple life and practice some form of religious rituals  - is more spiritual than me. I almost automatically give the person respect because of this perspective of mine. In fact I always feel inadequate in their presence and yearn to have what they have or what I perceive that they may have. And if they live 'our lives' like shopping in a shopping centre and having a haircut, we automatically assume that they have succumbed to our non-spiritual lives. I am kinda stuffed up you would say."

"You want to stop beating yourself up . You must remember you too have your own journey"

"So what you are saying is: I may be as, if not more spiritual than those monks or religious figures I encounter in my life?"

"I repeat, you want to stop beating yourself up and stay in the know that you too have your own journey"

"OK ok"

"I have more questions. What does a balanced lifestyle mean? What is right for me may not be right for the others? How do I know if enough is enough? How do I know I am not depriving myself?....."

"You will when you know"

"What kind of answer is that? It does not make sense.... I need more answer"

Silence.......

I guess the Universe has enough.