Sunday, February 17, 2013

I am not Me

At my bank a few years ago I noticed an elderly man, probably in his 80s, leaning over the teller's counter looking frustrated. He could not produce any acceptable form of ID to the teller and he was getting increasingly agitated trying to convince the teller who he was.

"Don't you know? I am me, I am me" quivering and waving his hands in the air much to the amusement of the other customers.

That was five years ago and I never gave the incident much thought until I hear this 2-year old girl at the park asking her mum for a drink.

"Amy wants a drink" pointing to her heart. It is as if there is another person inside her wanting a drink.

That got me thinking. If there is another person inside her that is "Amy" then who is this little girl who is doing the asking? That invokes the memory of the elderly man's statement at the bank. His "I am ME" must mean there is a "ME" inside his "I". Is there a message here?

"Amy..... full" the little girl thanks her mother, wiping her mouth and happily toddles off to the swings.

There must be two of us in every one of us. Arghhhhh!!

"What do you think?"  the Universe interrupts my thoughts.

"I don't know"

"You know messages come from unexpected people"

I subscribe to the belief that messages will come at appropriate times and they will come often enough for me to learn. The message from the elderly man and now this little girl must be for me to learn about "I" and "Me".

"So is there a truth about I and a ME and if so who is I and who is ME?" Feeling insane for even asking this question.

"You are not insane and yes there is a truth about I and ME. However, the only way to know this truth is to experience it. Explanations using words does not do it justice. Words merely point to the truth it doesn't give you the true knowledge. At best, words and labels provide a concept of the truth. Some people can convince you that durians are horrible and yet they have never tasted it themselves.

"I am not quite sure what you mean"

"Unfortunately most humans tend to associate their true self with the words and mental labels they develop for themselves as they grow up. Most humans loose this connection with their true self right from very young and replace their true self with words and mental labels learned from parents, friends, experiences or their own reading, and take as truth about themselves. In no time this concept of who they are, defined by those words are mistakenly taken to be the truth. Their true self is then forgotten."

"You are loosing me"

"Bear with me"

"The word "I" is perhaps the worst definition for the person who says it and unfortunately one of the most used words to describe who we are. The word "I" is an illusion and it is only a derived concept of who we truly are. It is a signpost pointing to the truth. Albert Einstein referred to this as "the optical illusion of consciousness" This signpost or illusion sets the basis of our definition of who we are - and with this illusion or the concept of ourselves, we relate to the world.

"Wooooo, what you are saying is that we are only showing a concept of who we are and assuming that this concept is the actual us?"

Scratching my head, unsure of what I am typing.

"The little girl Amy, has just learned from her parents to produce a sound from her vocal chords. The sound is "Amy" and she begins to have this thought in her mind that this sound - Amy - is who she is. Her parents have given her a concept of who this true person is. If you like, a representative of this true person or consciousness. The sound Amy then becomes a signpost pointing to this little girl's pure consciousness"

"As this girl grows she attaches more thoughts associated with this signpost. "Me" and "Mine" are possessive thoughts of objects that belong to this representative of her consciousness. This original thought is then further shaped by her experiences - both pleasant and unpleasant - acquired knowledge, opinions, likes and dislikes aggregated to then define the sense of self for this girl. It is this girl's "me and my story".

I need to clear my mind.... got to stop and have my cracker barrel cheese and biscuits.


"I am back" with a freshly brewed flat white coffee ready to chip in when I need caffeine.

"So what happens to this original consciousness whilst Amy's representative is being defined and developed?"

"Nothing. Amy's consciousness maintains its innocence and beauty just as the day she was born. Just as the beauty of a flower that has inspired countless artist and poets. You just feel the presence of the flower's consciousness when you are amongst them and when you see them. Seeing a beautiful flower reminds us of the beauty that underlines each and every human. This beauty of a flower is the same beauty in a human. The innocence of other living beings, like a puppy, kitten or human baby is a window into the beauty of the underlining consciousness of all living things"

"So what you are saying is: as Amy grows, she continues to shape her concept of herself and becomes some form of an aggregated data of who she thinks she is. She could be a scientist, teacher, astronaut, mother, accountant - whatever she creates herself underneath this signpost, her consciousness remains the same. That is the consciousness of her innocence and beauty. And when she says "I am......" unhappy, sad, discarded by my lover/husband, etc it only defines her concept of herself not the true consciousness that lies underneath the "I". In short there is a true Me underneath Amy's I"

I am typing furiously now, I think I got it and I feel really weird to now know that there is a real "Me" underneath the "I" that I have created for myself in my years living on this earth.

Perhaps the little girl in the park and the elderly man I saw years ago are there to give me insight and the confidence to put this out there in my blog and running the risk of being branded insane or simply confused.

"Stop beating yourself up again and you are not insane"

"Thank you" I see Amy turning around and smiling knowingly at me - waving good-bye as her mum walks her home.  Thank you Amy for teaching me.

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