Letting Go

A relative whom I have not spoken to for more than 10 years rang me out of the blue telling me about her pain and suffering she endured from her husband's infidelity. Towards the end of our conversation, she confessed that after so many years she was still in pain and cannot forgive and move on.

I could not give her a simple explanation about moving on and what it really means to move on. I felt sad that I was not able to help her during our conversation.

"There is no need to feel sorry" the Universe came to my rescue.

"How can I simply explain to her about moving on? Sometimes you guys use explanation that is too vague requiring a Phd in philosophy just to understand it. Do you not use simple language with simple human terminology?"

"I can see your frustration"

"Yes I am pissed off" I protested.

"You must care for your relative?"

"Yes I do" feeling a lot calmer. Please forgive me I just swore at the Universe.

"You are forgiven. Let me tell you a story"

"That is a good start. I learn better relating to stories"

"Two monks went for a walk and they came across a young woman pregnant with child by a shallow fast flowing stream. The older monk went by the woman, picked her up and carried her across to the other side putting her down. The monks walked on in silence. 5 hours later as they were returning to their monastery, the other much younger monk couldn't restrain himself anymore. "Why did you touch the woman and even carried her on your shoulders across the stream? Monks are not allowed to do such things."

"I put the woman down hours ago - are you still carrying her?" was the older monk's reply.

"I see your meaning. My relative is still carrying the past in her - reliving it during every waking moment and in every conversation. She spent the whole conversation talking about how bad her ex-husband was and what he did that destroyed her. That happened 10 years ago. She is still an angry and resentful person."

"Living in the prison of your past memories is truly hell on earth, unable to let go of situations that happened in the past which has absolutely no relevance to the present."

"The past are but just thoughts/memories in your minds and they are never a part of your current situation. In fact thoughts in itself are not problems as you can learn from them. The real problem starts when you make these thoughts/memories as part of their current sense of self. In this instance you cannot separate thoughts in your mind and the true person you are now. In short your relative who was heart broken by her husband, has made her past part of who she is today even though her husband has remarried another woman. She has become a prisoner of her past memories. She will carry this burden of imprisonment as long as she allows these past thoughts to be part of the make up of who she is today."

"She still feels the pain she has enough of it and wants to Move On... but how?"

"By letting go of the woman by the stream"

"There you go again - being vague and philosophical, I need to know HOW DOES ONE MOVE ON?" finding myself banging on my keyboard in frustration.

"By not giving power to these past thoughts."

"By understanding that if you give power to these thoughts you are then living in a mind prison"

"By knowing that these past thoughts are just mind stories"

"By knowing that these past thoughts cannot stop you from choosing who you want to be today"

"By turning off this pre-recorded story in her mind"

"By recognising that these thoughts/memories have not relevance in her life situation anymore"

"By choosing to let go and move on"

My fingers are slipping off the keyboard, I am typing so fast. Phew I have just finished......

"Thank you again Universe"

"See you next time"